“But I don’t want to go among mad people.” Alice remarked.
‘Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat: “we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.”
“How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice.
“You must be,” said the Cat, “or you wouldn’t have come here.”
I just really love this dialogue in the novel. Haven’t we all encountered this situation before? This was the question that I have been asking myself every day during my twin flame journey: I must be going mad.
Of course, I was mad! I couldn’t figure out what had happened at all! And of course, I should go mad, for I didn’t even know what I have done wrong! And there wasn’t one soul who can give me a hint, or guidance on what was happening to me!
I kept asking myself, what happened? Nothing much really. What went wrong? Not my fault at all. Then why feeling so incredibly stuck for no reason? What was that void that I was trying to fill? Absolutely no idea! But one thing I was certain, mad: yes; crazy: no. I was feeling very annoyed and almost angry, I was mad. But I was not insane nor dilutional, so no, I was not crazy. But yes, I was crazily mad though.
When I found all the answers I needed, I realised the void was something that I kept hidden in me for years. It was the fear of abandonment and lack of self-esteem. I was using co-dependent relationships all my life to fill that void. But it hasn't been successful. That’s why every time when I felt abandoned, it triggered that feeling again. I also realised I was stuck because I have control issues, I want to make sure I know everything, I was afraid to make any mistakes, I was a perfectionist, I cared about how people think of me. I validated my self-worth through others’ opinions. I acknowledged my self-love through others’ neediness of me. I was in a complete mess!
As far as I tried to avoid being with people who have above issues, I was one of them. That’s why, as the Cheshire Cat has pointed out, I couldn’t help myself because we were all mad. And the fact that I was brought to this twin flame journey, I must be mad, or I wouldn’t have gone this path.
I had such low self-esteem, lack of self-love and self-worth, had zero boundaries and simply just allowed anyone to walk all over me at the point of time when I met my twin. God must have been watching and thought this poor girl really need some help.
In the past, God has put many challenges and tests in my life, but I always made it through and grew stronger afterwards; however, each time I then set my boundaries even lower as I thought of myself being the “saviour” and everyone simply needs my help. I was truly mad.
God wants to humble me. He wants me to rest and treasure the love he has for me. He wants me to have gratitude for my loved ones and my friends without sacrificing myself too much to cause everyone anxiety. I was ignorant to that. I was so arrogant and proud of my power for making things right. And I was totally wrong.
And that is why, I was set on this twin flame journey.
And yes, we are all mad in these journeys. But once you realised the real purpose behind this, you will have peace within you. And never again will you feel annoyed or angry of what have happened. It happened for you, not to you.
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