Do I want the reunion with my counterpart? Yes and No. No- because I am happier without him. Yes- because I have an important message for him. And that is, I forgive you.
I guess it is easier said than done. But it is true. I have forgiven him the moment he burnt the bridge. Because he gave me the clarity that I needed from him. And I forgive him for what the betrayal, the abandonment and the pain have caused me. Because I know, I no longer have to play “saviour” to him anymore. For I know I can never leave a person in need unless I was told to back off. I am a beautiful person, and I will always be no matter what. So, I feel better to being rejected and hurt instead. As I don’t have to regret and think in the future for how I could have done it better. I guess I cheated.
I did try to tell him about the connection at our last meeting. I did try to warn him. But I guess he would never understand my intention. I did share genuine care and did offer a strong friendship. I thought we could help each other in many ways. It was such a shame that it has to end in such terrible way. I guess the whole series of drama that came after were meant to be divine intervention. Every time I tried to stay away from the connection, I bumped into him or them. I guess God was trying to remind us of the connection. But it takes two people’s common interests in a connection. And God gave us freewill. So, when God see how I was brought down to my knees and surrendered to him, begging for release, he saved me from this connection by removing me completely once and for all. He also promised me in my dream. To never let me get hurt like this again.
So, reunion? I think it won’t happen in my case. We have our own journeys to go. But how I wish I could tell him what I saw in my dream. How he really needs to heal and surrender to God. He is very close to no second chance. I can no longer try saving him but God can. All along I was trying to be his sun to give him the warmth he lacked in his childhood, the moon so he can reveal his true emotions that he was taught to hide, the star that can help him to make his wish come true. To heal in order to be healed. I needed just the same from him. But he made his choice to do it with someone else, so I was forced to do it alone on this healing journey. It turned out I was so much more powerful on my own. And after I healed, I was able to heal others. As a result, the community can benefit my sharing and support instead of just one person.
That, I would call divine intervention. And I asked for it every day. I prayed that I will never see him again. The damage he has caused was too much. The wound he has cut was too deep. I took so much of my energy to heal it almost cost my life. If it wasn’t for God sending me the song “God only knows” in my dream I probably jumped off that bridge myself.
So why would I want to have the stupid reunion? NO! I would never want to risk the connection with God again. Because through this, I was able to learn the only sovereignty was God. No one else. And the only one who never leave, who never betray, who never abandon, who was always there by my side, who truly watched over me instead of what my counterpart has empty promised, who wants nothing from me but gave everything to me, was God. Most importantly, he was the only one who understands me, who was there when I cried and when I laughed; the one who showed up and reassured me that I will be okay when I want to end my life, the one who told me he was so proud of me when I stood up for myself.
He is the only one. No one else. Even though I couldn’t see him, hear him or touch him physically. I could feel him. In contrast to my counterpart, I would rather not see him, hear him or touch him. He was never there for me to start off with anyway.
If there is no union, certainly there is no reunion. (Lol)
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