I remember on the last day of the year 2022 I kind of made a list of things to warn myself from doing and a list of things that encourage myself for doing. One of the items was to be aware of people with a certain first name (lol), which in the past all the connections I made with people who share this first name ended up with lies and betrayals. The second item was to be aware of a certain day, which I had terrible experience of discovering the lies from those people on that particular day. And to my surprise, these thoughts were answered immediately on the 1st and the 2nd of January!
The first thing I did on the first day of the year was to go to church and on that day, I made a difference to the old me by trying to speak to the stranger next to me at the greeting section. After a relatively long conversation (to me at least), I discovered that he is a regular member to our church and his personality is kind and warm. Not only he has the “red flag” first name but also, he literally lives in my area. It was like a slap on my face for being alert with that particular name.
On the second day of the year, I met a musician who is very knowledgeable yet humble. After talking for awhile I randomly guessed he is a Capricorn and to my surprise, not only he is but also his birthday falls on the “red flag” day of the year I was cautious about. This again, another slap on my face.
These slaps taught me a huge lesson. Sometimes your rational mind comes out and warns you, protects you by remembering the pain and the hurt you experienced and creates a pattern of alarms which will avoid history happens again. The disappointments in the past created a muscle in your mind to start preventing unnecessary risks and worries way before it could even mean anything to you. But what I didn’t realise, was that it also created a burden and a barrier to me by pulling me into a single direction and hinder the infinite possibility that lies ahead.
What if I choose to become silence and withdrawn right after learning these two people possessing the red flags of name and date of birth? It could mean I missed out meeting wonderful people and doing wonderful things together. My rational mind could have protected me from being vulnerable but also stopped me for growth in other areas. Yes, there might be a high chance for history to repeat, but there is also a high chance that it will flip the fate and changes my fear and worries of the future. The point is, would I allow my rational mind to protect me or lead me to take a leap of faith and try again?
It takes great courage and faith in this journey called life. But we can try making it easier by having a balance of having an open mind to receive new challenge or even old challenge while at the same time, think with clarity by examining what really went wrong in the past instead of blaming fate.
To feel lack and uncertain is part of this journey but instead of being stagnant we can believe things will always work out for us by having faith that we are loved, watched over and protected. We are worthy of forgiving ourselves and worthy of a new start full of love, hope and faith. We just need to keep on breathing fresh air.
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