“You saw me first
You let me in when I was at my worst
The moment when I heard You say my name
It's the first time in so long I'm not afraid”
Just did an energy cleansing last night with a spiritual leader, we meditated and did a guided affirmation and cord cutting together. During the session there was an interruption and this song hit me while I saw myself flying above the cloud.
Suddenly I realised how I was unaware of so many present dangers I was in but was protected even without knowing. Why was there always light when I was in complete darkness? I took it all for granted. I forgot. I was being heavily protected.
“Who stood with me in the fire?” I was asked to walk into the fire many times like Sita, to show that I am innocent and to prove my purity. But why was I not afraid to do so and could step into it every time without second thoughts? I forgot. He was there right next to me, I was encouraged and accompanied.
“Who pulled me out of the water?” When I was so consumed with my own sorrow and grief, who kept pulling me out of the ocean of emotional death? Who kept sending earth angels to give me wake-up calls? I took it all for granted. I forgot. I was being wisely guided. I was getting all the help I needed.
It was You; it was always You. All this time, my guardian was You. I forgot You when I was happy, and I forgot You when I was sad. My ego overtakes me every moment. I was too afraid to let my guard down.
But instead of taking cautions from being hurt again, I didn’t shrink back into my shell. I come back up every time only stronger and braver. I speak the truth because I was called to. I don’t need to prove to anyone my belief and actions. I don’t need anyone to validate my integrity. I only have one boss. He is the only one I need to work for, need to answer to. No one can stand in our way. He saw my worst; he didn’t give up on me like everyone else did. He whispered my name and my backbone straighten up next. Who else has such power? He constantly put me through trials and tests so that he can bless me with what I can handle, doesn’t it sound like our parents?
The bond will never be broken unless you forsake me, and I know you won’t do it unless I intentionally sin. And that is what I have tried to avoid all my life. Though I still sin every day, You know I have tried my best not to. And that is enough for You and me. Just like my parents, I tried not to be naughty and rebellious, although I still am sometimes helplessly naughty and I occasionally rebelled against them, but they forgive me every time because they know I’ve tried.
All we need to do is to try to improve ourselves and our situations. Instead of blaming this and that and show no remorse or repentance whatsoever, let’s take accountability and let’s make a difference. There is someone who went ahead and did all that before we do, he proved to me that he can do it so I must do it too. And I am willing to carry that cross and walk like him no matter how tough life gets. He was betrayed, abandoned, humiliated. So have I. He has come out from the tunnel. So have I. He has always been my best friend.
“You are the light that shines in every tunnel
It's always been You”
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