I think everyone needs to have their own space. But we also need to be with others.
This is the most ideal space we can hold in all relationships: with ourselves and with others.
I know how we can lose ourselves when we are in a relationship, being a child, a spouse or a parent. This is because we are so conscious about our roles of being the child to our parent, the spouse to our partner and the parent to our child. And this is where the control vs co-dependency dynamic comes in. We eventually lose ourselves as we neglect our own needs, we are too busy trying to fill everyone’s cup. And before we know, our own cup eventually becomes empty and so is our relationship starts to fall apart.
Ironically, we tend to find ourselves when we start losing these relationships. Because it is only then we can stop and realise how burnt out we got, how empty we felt and how lack of passion we became. We didn’t nurture ourselves as we should have and turns out we forgot how to. And that is why so many people want to leave their parents’ home as soon as they could, get into a divorce when they felt there is no way out and hold onto their children even though it was the right age for them to become independent.
But things don’t have to go this way. We can always talk. We can talk to our parents that we need some space. We need some freedom. We have our own dreams and desires. And for the parents, without repeating the same childhood trauma we experienced, we ought to understand this perfectly and give our child the space and freedom to make decisions; in addition, we don’t cling onto our children. We should not forget that we also have our own hobbies, our circle of friends and we don’t have to sacrifice all our time for raising a child. Show them we can hold space for them while giving them space as well. In return they can learn to give their spouse the respect when they grow up. Let's be a role model. Personal space is different to personal distance. We all need our own space and before it is too late and become personal distance.
I believe any healthy relationship would allow this to happen. And if not, there is a real issue here. Respect doesn’t mean lack of discipline or lack of responsibilities. It certainly doesn’t mean lack of love. Giving each other space means allowing growth in each other’s lives. That is the true meaning of care and respect in all kinds of relationships.
And the whole point of being a parent is to watch our child grow, being a partner was to grow together, right?
While having my own space, I realised I become a lot happier when I get to share my experiences and my time with my loved ones on this journey called life.
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