Have you ever been frustrated when your goals didn’t pan out or your expectations didn’t quite meet the reality? Have you ever wondered that was probably how it was meant to be or not meant to be? Have you ever asked yourself when is the right time to walk away or should we have preserved a little longer we would probably get what we wanted?
Frustration. Anxiety. Stress. Eventually led to annoyance, disappointment and anger. Then ultimately- Sin.
We can all talk about what we have done wrong in the past, but what about what we have done right? Have you set your bar way higher than the achievable time so the expectation was not easily met? Or have you dreamt big but didn’t put in the right amount of work? Did we give up too soon or should we preserve a little longer by changing our perspective? There can be thousands of things that we can sit down and talk about how it could have been different, but what about the things that it was exactly how it was meant to be?
One thing I learnt since I was young was to be kind at all circumstances. To have a generous heart, to have integrity and to be honest. When you felt unfair, or even betrayed, look within and do not blame the other person. Think about why it has happened or what was the lesson learnt? Would you have avoided if you could? If not, then it was not just a lesson for you but also a lesson for the other person. Perhaps you don’t see the consequences yet, but it will become self-explanatory at the end. So, it is important for us to stay honest and kind; do not gossip and do not complain. Just move on with integrity. There is always a time and a place for everything to happen the way it is. And you literally will find out the truth and the reason down the road eventually. But if you sin, it is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
In the past I have always chosen to walk away from situations or connections when I saw red flags or when I realised my worth was not recognized. I will give myself time to work on it but if the frustration has risen to a point, I just packed my things and leave, just to avoid dramas. Now that I looked back, it was all meant to be. I have literally dodged all kinds of bullets without knowing. I didn’t mean to protect myself but the truth. But ironically the truth always protects me at the end. For example, when I walked out from a relationship or a job, people around me always asked me in details what have happened. This includes people that I don’t even know. But I always kept my silence for I know “The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”
Like many people, my life has been a roller coaster and when I looked back, I am thankful that my silence saved me many troubles. And I am sure that I can look ahead with confidence that silence will keep me stay blessed. When I meant silence, I was not talking about keeping quiet when things are obviously unjust or illegal. I meant to not participate in gossips and rumours, I meant to not whine nor complain to others. I hold my silence and improvise. I introspect my behaviours and decisions and work on my strength and weakness. If situation allows, I will pray for the ones who wronged me as well, for they know not what they were doing.
Most importantly, I realised there is a pattern in the delay of my blessings. I was frustrated and anxious during the waiting, I was disappointed from the failed attempts and I was even angry at myself or I even grumbled to God sometimes. I forgot to be grateful because no one knows what skills I need for the next role, how much rest do I need before the next adventure, and the amount of confidence I require for my next journey than God. And yet I was being impatient, not knowing what I need to do and only looking at the outward appearance and outcome of the matter and complain to him constantly.
I know now. Waiting for a breakthrough for almost a year was not long. It was just right. It was just enough to prepare me for the next phrase. I didn’t know I need to evolve and change until I had. I didn’t know what I lack until I obtained more. I thought I was working hard but I was focusing at the wrong direction. There was delay because I was redirected many times due to my stubbornness. God was working on me and yet I know not. These period of what looked like I was waiting, was not in vain. I was actually busier than when I was not “waiting”. I worked so hard to go within and only just realised what I came here to do and God has pushed me to the next phrase already. Now I wished I have enjoyed a little bit more while I was “waiting” because I couldn’t have been more prepared anyway, I should have spent more time to simply rest and enjoy the peace. But God who is kinder to me than myself, is probably pleased with my effort so far and has granted me the wish, just at the right timing. And what’s more, it was not just one wish, but all wishes!!
How great is our God who ordained and orchestrated everything for us in our lives at the right timing! If I only know how to better trust Him, to trust Him earlier, I would have saved a lot of pain and tears along the way!
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