Dear Lord, once again you preformed miracles! Every pain, hurt, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal and lies, were worth it. All my friends and loved ones still couldn’t believed how much I have grown, and neither can I. Even I can hardly recognise myself anymore!
The last time I asked God for a miracle, He gave me: passing an exam in a very tight timeline under great personal depression. Then I also asked to be given a job just before I pass the exam, and He did so. I gave 4 criteria of the new job, He did it all at one go. Just when I thought I was going to be okay, things fall apart even quicker. And that lesson taught me something, you really don’t always know what you truly need, and what you want might destroy you completely. But Thank God, I was saved. Furthermore, I was completely transformed.
The following year I was struggling to survive in all aspects. I was never unemployed and this time it was 9 long dark months. Every door I knocked was shut. My friends who helped were also shocked. Even my loved ones had never seen such reoccurring disappointment in their life, they were struck down with disappointment after disappointment. But I, was completely set free in fact. I learnt to rely on loved ones, with whatever I have left, and yet, I never give up on myself, I love myself even more whenever there is a disappointment, because I know when I reach the one-hundredth cross, I am going to get the biggest miraculous tick from God. I was not rejected, I was simply not ready for the biggest gift. And this is because I was not fully healed, and my hard work has not completed the important milestone. If the blessing came prematurely, it would only destroy me once again.
This time, first time in my life, I prayed for nothing but honouring God. I prayed for being able to glorifying him. If He allows, maybe I can earn enough to support my family, my church and others in need. I only need bare minimum. And because of this, I waited in great faith. Because when you stop focusing on what you lack but what you know YOU WILL GET, you will. He will bless you, only if you trust Him. And if you can at the lowest point in your life, that is because he is about to give you the biggest bounced back to show his mercy and his almighty power. He is the Lord, my God, what shall I fear if I could find favour in his eyes?
So, he blessed me even more. Not just the job is my dream job- my favourite company, my favourite type of job nature, but He blesses me with great abundance. He gave me a specific role- to learn and to lead humbly. And now I know, I told my mother and my friends, have God given this job to me any earlier, I would never have the ability to do so. But now, knowing He is on my side, I am fearless. I can learn anything I set my mind to, and with holy spirit being with me, I know every time I fail was to gain wisdom and regain my strength through Jesus, and I simply need to learn more before greater responsibility can be assigned to me.
I now have a complete different perspective when I do prayers for others. When I see them struggle, I saw my past self. I did pray a lot of things that were crucial, like recovering health, peace amongst people and financial aid. But now I only realise, compare to what He wants, what I want is so insignificant. Yes, I do want my child’s illness to be healed, my mother to know Jesus and be saved, but if you only know, He Already Know. Praying for them is compassion, but trusting in Lord that He will give those He wants to bless, is His Will. And I know there are so many things I want to happen for others, but for me I want nothing anymore. If one day he would ask me what would I like, that would be everyone on this planet can be saved, no more suffering. Why allow Satan to build his army out of our fear, sorrow, pain and hurt when we can all be free with joy in the Kingdom of God. My obedience is what I need. It keeps me strong and humble, faithful and thankful. And stay blessed.
Once again, I know it is hard to tell people when they are grieving, mourning, anxious and under painful situation, but things will have a dramatic turn, it is right there for you to see and to feel. Only if you could start to believe in something you cannot see, or cannot touch or hear. This is something call faith, and it is the biggest challenge yet, which bring the biggest blessing.
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